Heading into the second half of 2024, I had initially wanted to do a sort of Q2 review, not unlike what I wrote earlier this year which seemed to resonate with many.
But I’ve found myself really thinking only about one thing. It’s nothing particularly weighty or complex, but it was significant in that I did not know this was something it was possible to experience until I experienced myself experiencing it.
As I've written about before, the last year of my life has been all about navigating big changes. Along the way, there have been moments when I've found find myself subconsciously seeking anchor, even when there was nothing to anchor myself to.
By this, I mean that I was looking for signs that would tell me I was on the right track, that I could finally exhale and feel secure and know that I had arrived, and that from here on out, things would only get better and less uncertain.
This realisation that I was anchor seeking would surface typically when I was dealing with something frustrating or disappointing. I would catch myself feeling uncharacteristically upset about something that hadn't seemed like such a big deal, only to realise later that, oh, I was really hoping that thing would work out a certain way, because I believed it would lead to other things which would then give me the feedback I needed to know I’m finally doing well.
Sometimes these were potential collaborators or clients I was looking forward to working with, sometimes they were opportunities be a part of certain projects. As each one failed to materialise, I would find myself losing a little more hope.
Yet over the last few months, as things have shifted in form and potential, it started getting so much easier to let things flow in and out of my life.
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As I'm writing this, I am actively working on 9 different projects (or work streams, as they like to call it in the Singapore government). I am busier than ever, but I am also enjoying myself tremendously and working with people that I really like being around.
One other thing which has really surprised me is that I no longer want to do things alone. Many of these projects didn't start as things I wanted to do—they started because people came to me with ideas, I saw what these ideas could become, and they resonated with what I thought was possible.
This has, in fact, always been a pattern in my life, and it is one that I am now consciously leaning into. It was very much the case with Rice Media; it was not originally my plan to start it, but it wouldn't be what it is today if not for the vision and the creative energy I brought to it.
Now, I no longer put so much pressure on myself to be original and to be constantly coming up with new ideas for projects. I just focus on what I'm already doing, and I try to be around people that I like and who help me understand what my experiences are worth.
But I realised I was only able to get to this point because I allowed things to flow out of my life. Whether they were potential projects or partners, it has gotten so much easier to know when something is no longer worth striving for. And as things leave, there is again space for others to enter.
A friend who is now turning into a business partner recently said to me, "We don't need to rush or have big dreams, we just need to know what we're going to do next."
This was so powerful because it helped me to see that at this point in my career, I have done and failed enough to know that I can trust myself to generally make the right decisions. I know when something is worth committing to, I aim to do things to a high standard without cutting corners, and I understand that it's really about being someone of purpose and creating things that have genuine value to others.
When this is my foundation, perhaps there is no need to lose so much sleep over long term strategies and competitive advantages and total addressable markets. I can just focus on the principles that will always matter, and keep taking the next right step.
Sometimes, I still don't know what the right step is. But it has gotten much clearer to me when I'm about to take the wrong one, and it's hard to describe, but it surfaces as a kind of sticky, sludgy inner sensation, like I'm slightly disgusted with myself, or that I finally see how I'm about to sacrifice some degree of self-respect by convincing myself I still want something that very clearly is not right for me.
This is not really a new experience. What is new is that I am actually paying attention and allowing myself to feel it when it happens. In the past I would try to think my way out of it by inventing arguments and strategies and stories in which I saw myself persisting and emerging victorious.
I don't have the energy for such nonsense anymore.
I don’t because I now know that the heart of it, really, is that I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to make bets on people and opportunities and realise only much later how completely off the mark I was.
And so the final thing that has really helped is asking myself if I chose wrongly, or if I simply had incomplete information. Sometimes I do make bad decisions; I get distracted by short term incentives or the promise of prestige, and I push harder than is needed to try and bring a project to life.
But sometimes, I simply made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time. Recognising this has made it so much easier to then let things go, to acknowledge that I didn't make a mistake—I was simply learning. And this helps me release the need to prove to myself that I was right, because I was never wrong in the first place.
So as some things have closed and others have opened up, I find myself measuring success by a new metric. Previously, I used to think: I need to know what the goal is, I need to know exactly what the next few steps in the plan are. Now, I think: can I see myself doing this for a long time to come? If yes, keep going.
When I orient towards this, I bump into more people who value what I do, there are more projects that I’m excited about and willing to embrace discomfort for, and the money takes care of itself.
This is good enough for now. Let’s see where we are again when Q3 rolls around.
PS. A very warm hello and welcome to everyone who’s newly subscribed to this newsletter. If you would like to know more about me and my story, this is a good place to start.
And while I know that it sounds like I’m quite busy, I am actually still looking to take on 2 additional coaching clients in the coming months. If you’d like to work with me, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Take care for now, and I’ll see you at the next one 👋🏻